Confessions of the ordinary GIRL!

Life is so fragile. Just like a glass, you can never fix once broken.

Life challenges has been tough for me for the past few months. While I’ve been struggling to remove what’snot on my body to be better person & to get that dream job, yet another test from Him.

Bf’s dad passed away on the 28th January, 10 days ago from a sudden heart attack. Exactly the same death fate as my late father, 9 years ago. I am too sensitive, expecially on the issue of death. It can take me almost months to fully recover. Especially if the person is close & died of a sudden death. Unlike my late grandmother who passed on due to an outbreak of cancerous virus in the body, more or less, I was prepared to face it.

Late Haji Dawood passed on too fast, too sudden for the family, especially the mother. They have been a loving couple, it’s a difficult phase of life for the mother. No wonder I’ve been getting bad feelings 2 days before the dad’s death. If only we knew about the bad feelings way ahead, we will be much prepared to overcome the death. But life lessons just not easy as that.

I’ve been thinking, in fact, so much about what had happened till I have pimples on my face. Sigh. I’m thinking about life, thinking about how fragile life is & it’s life lessons.

I’ve shared this to a really close friend of mine, for 14 years, pouring her everything that is bothering me. About me wanting to be a better Muslim as well as my thoughts about the people around  me. I wasns’t sure if i wanted flying as bad as I used to. I just ain’t sure if I can part ways from my family as well as my BF’s family. They need me. My mum, my grandmother, my younger siblings & his family. She adviced me to think about myself, my life first & stop bothering so much about others. But that just aint me. It’s a disappointment actually. She knows me for more than a decade yet she didn’t really know my character.

For I am a person who will risk my life for the people I love, a person who puts others first & someone who will feel good about being helping others. Basically, I need the calmness by doing all this. I need the feel-good feeling from doing all this. This just me. But I see the positive in her words. She’s scared that if I’m too bothered about everyone else’s feeling, who cares about mine? She doesn’t want me to regret not trying all this when I’m young. Sometimes, we just don’t get what we want. It’s a fact.

For now, there’re too many thoughts in my mind that stresses me up. So many uncertainty and so many obstacles that I need to face in the decisions that I’m gonna take. Right now, nothing else matters but just calmness that I’ve been longing for.

The thing that really bothers me is, who will miss me & pray for me when I’m gone? Will people cry for me & pray for my afterlife? Insya-Allah.